things i'm thinking about.

you can't really tell, but it's snowing here again. it's been on and off for the past couple of days. and now it's march 1.  go figure, right?  i guess i would be lying if i said i really didn't like it, but i'd rather be enjoying it elsewhere.  maybe a cabin.  or just a home with a garage.  basically not in the middle of provo, in an apartment complex.  see, when it's march 1 and it's snowing, all a college student really wants is a little warmth.  just a little.

speaking of provo, i only have a couple more years of living here.  that won't be too bad.  someday, though, i really hope that home will not be in the state of utah.  no offense to this state, but i could really go for a little massachusetts or colorado.  colorado is right next door, so why not?  that can't be too difficult.  just someday.  i know it might not be in my near future, but i really do dream of a home surrounded by beautiful nature and a little more culture (not the mormon kind).  maybe away in the country, with fields in the back or even some mountains far off in the distance, but close enough to a city to drive into.  that's not asking for too much, is it?  and as long as we're at it, water would be nice.  a big body of water.  if not, then maybe just a little cottage on a big lake or the oregon coast?  that sounds nice, doesn't it? 

you know what else is nice?  a fatty "congratulations!" right next to my score on the screen after taking a midterm.  it honestly hasn't happened in my almost two years of being here.  college has been a double whammy for me.  just a learning experience.  i was home schooled all through grade school, and didn't once have a classroom to step into or a midterm to take, and forget about finals!  papers?  nope.  deadlines?  hardly ever mentioned.  home schooling can be really great or not.  it so depends on the parents, the curriculum, and the students.  i think i did pretty well up until my dad was diagnosed with cancer when i was 13, but after that most of school was put on the back burner.  after he died when i was 15 i had absolutely no motivation.  none.  except for dance.  so dance was on the front burner and school remained on the back, and from what i remember, that's exactly what i remember my mom encouraging me to do.  she said once i was ready to do school then we'd do it.  unfortunately, that happened around the time i needed to get into college.  this is turning into too long of a story.  so to make it short, i got in on a dance scholarship and starting going to my very first classes.  it's been such a huge adjustment.  i feel like a preschooler who is learning to really go to school for the first time, except in college.  so getting a 99% on my midterm yesterday?  big deal.  i even took a picture.  

have i mentioned how impatient i have been all morning?  i had tour team try-outs at 6:30 and kept messing up a set of spins in the samba section of the latin medley.  i've been kicking myself all day. KICKING.  the waltz portion went better though, i think.  but what are they even really looking for?  how on earth can i set myself apart from the rest of those girls who are equally good, if not better?  it's a tough crowd, i'm telling you.  so i kicked myself all the way home, where i found my kitchen sink completely full of pots and pans.  if there's one thing that really irks me, it's when people (especially roommates) don't clean up their freaking dishes and leave them in the sink for days before i finally give in and clean them.  i'm serious.  i'm happy with doing a lot of the deep cleaning by myself, but if you leave a pot soaking by the sink for four days... uh, no.  not going to fly.  oh, such a pet peeve.  

i should probably stop typing right now.  i think i could go on for pages about the things that are bothering me right now.  pages.  it's not good.  definitely one of those weeks where expectations have not been met, and/or roommates have been judgmental, and/or feelings have been hurt.  i could use a break from it all.  which brings us back to the beginning.  if it was warm, you bet your butt i'd be lying is some field of grass somewhere soaking in the sun and fresh air.  is it just me, or does that work every time?  nature: the best kind of therapy. 

anyway. i'm done now. over and out.