dreams dreams dreams

It’s what gets me through the sometimes tedious day-after-day routine of waking up to grey skies, trying to get a workout in, going to work and sitting at a desk almost consistently from 10am-6pm, running straight to dance, or back home to my messy apartment to do whatever comes next. It’s what got me through living the life of a single student in my own bedroom and quiet introvert weekends living in Provo, Utah. It’s what also landed me in Provo to begin with, and it’s what’s landed me here in Federal Way with a wonderful husband and a bunch of dance students that sometimes call me “mom.”

Dreaming doesn’t mean I’m absolutely completely and utterly sick and tired and uninterested in where I am or who I am with. Dreaming is fun. It's full of possibilities; anything goes! It's eventually finding which dreams are the best and most suited and then turning them into goals to slowly work toward. For me in my life, if I dream up something I find myself working to make it possible, and I think the same goes for everyone else. Seven years ago one of my wildest dreams (wildest for a 15 year old girl – hah!) was to go to BYU, dance on the touring team, meet and marry a dancer, and come back and coach.  And here I am living my dream in a totally different way. I didn’t do the tour team thing, because I ended up deciding that wasn’t the direction I wanted to go, I decided I didn't want to marry a dancer, BYU wasn't quite the glory days I thought it would be and then a thousand other things happened and I came home and I ended up marrying a once-upon-a-time BYU tour team dancer man who was coaching the team I had been on, and now I “help” him out. It just kind of happened. It’s not quite what I thought it was going to be, but it’s still a dream come true for me in many ways, and though I’m struggling to get a grip on how busy life all of the sudden is (and honestly how different it is compared to what I expected – darn expectations!), I [really wanted to love it].

But I also love to dream (and plan) of working less hours and putting more hours into studying and getting that degree I never finished. I dream of living in Germany or France one day and getting to know my German relatives and my German heritage.  I dream of camping and climbing mountains all year long. I dream of having a little home, fit for a family of four or five, with space just perfectly useable and efficient, complete with a pedestal bathtub, and with a nice big deck or patio to host dinner parties and a lush green back yard covered in lavender and roses and thick grass. I dream of living by the sea, in the country, a small town, or on a mountainside. I dream of having time to go outside and garden, and endless time to become a great baker and a great cook, and having the guts and the resources to open up my own little café. I dream of having two dogs at all times, more than 50 days of sunlight a year, more than 1 day of snow a year, hours to read to my children, and thousand other little things that little by little make up a really lovely life. I dream of having someone next to me in it all; at every dinner party and every adventure, and planting every garden and exploring every country.

I look forward to all the little details and all the years of doing this or that. Chances are I won’t have absolutely everything, but chances are pretty good that I’ll always have a good chunk of what I want, and that I’ll always find a way to make things beautiful and happy wherever I am and with however much sunlight I have. Because I know me. And I know what I’m capable of and that I’ll do what it takes.