adjusting.

i want to preface this by saying HOW MUCH I LOVE BEING MARRIED. really. i love it. and, by some crazy miracle, i married the most perfect (for me) guy in the whole world. i don't know how it happened, but it happened and i am pretty happy about it.

that being said, i've learned very quickly that marriage has moments of just being downright hard. or, at least for me, the adjustment period has been hard. and probably will keep being that way. i'm a girl that always dreamed about getting married but was also very happy with being single and full of independence (well, as much as you can get as a student at byu). i decided to move to germany and be a nanny where nothing was holding me back from thoroughly exploring the rest of europe. but i decided (very happily) to stay and date john, then marry him and move to federal way. which, i'll be honest, doesn't exactly compare to germany. but that's totally okay 99% of the time. the other 1% of the time i end up on my floor with my *face in the carpet crying while john does his best to figure out what the heck i'm crying about this time.

because i cry a lot more than he's used to.

it's the adjustment of plans. it's finding a new path to travel down. i've found the start of that path, and that's john and everything connected to that. i really love who i'm with, which makes everything much nicer. but as i travel down my new path, not really knowing what's immediately around the corner, making new plans with new people, i realize that i still have some of the same goals and dreams that i once did, but they have a way of seeming a whole heck of lot harder now that i'm connected to someone who is rooted here. before i didn't have roots. but now i have roots. just one, actually, and that is john. and that is a little hard to come to grips with at times (the roots, not the being connected to john bit). john has traveled, he's finished school, he's watched most of his friends marry and leave, and he has a dream job. if we compared timelines i'd be right smack dab in the middle of his college and traveling years. roots. he has roots. again, i love his roots and i chose to make roots with him, but it is now necessary for me to adjust. this is what i signed up for. i knew it and i am still so happy i did it. 

so, these are my(our) new ideas and plans:

in an effort to finish school i'm going to pick up independent study classes through my school because i'm a couple states away. and maybe i'll transfer to a school in the area? we'll see. 

and in an effort to keep dancing (and help john - two birds, one stone!) i'm beginning to help john at team rehearsals. and with choreography. and i'm even trying to convince john to dance with me. after all, i have a dress! and maybe i'll take a dance class in seattle, too.

and all that traveling i was going to do? well, john and i are already making travel plans that will take our whole life to go and do. next year: england, scotland, germany (and maybe a stop in paris). sometime after that: disneyland. because, duh. after that: tahiti, where john lived for two years while he was a wee lad and while he was hitting his 20s (both were church mission oriented). so, ya know, it sounds pretty good to me.

my name, too. i'm still adjusting. i know i wrote a whole post about it already, but still. adjusting. maybe i'll hyphenate. 

and one of the biggest things that i'm refusing to adjust to is not having friends. i'm trying to make friends in the area. i'm trying even harder to stay in touch with all of my old friends. because man i miss 'em! trips to see them is a must.

voila! i like plans, so the above makes me feel a lot better. but still sometime: hard. 

remember how i said "i married the perfect (for me) guy"? mostly he's just perfect. let me just gush for one second about what happened after last night's *face-in-the-carpet-cry-fest. 

first, i took a bath. 

second, i walked into our room and saw that he had done and folded all of my laundry. 

third, it was neatly stacked on our bed that he made while i was at work. 

fourth, that's a normal occurrence. 

fifth, he lit candles ("see? romantic!" - john) and forced me to dance with him. 

so i cry and he's an angel about it. oh, i forgot to mention the quesadilla he made me. yeah. 

so i win all around and the adjusting bit is 100% worth it. very real, but worth it. 

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