day 362.

And it's officially day 8 of being home in Utah.

I'm still sleeping too little, still looking for jobs, and still dating. A bit. Did I mention last time how much I actually wanted to be dating? Yeah, the answer is not a bit.

//segue//

Where has the last year gone? I feel like a parent who who blinked, and then their child was grown. Well, kind of. I've learned so much about myself, love, and life it's almost unreal. I was just talking to my friend yesterday about how I feel like I've learned so much about myself, even just in the past few months, and I'm starting to feel so much more like me, so much more like the person I want to be, and will be the rest of my life. It's a little exciting. I've finished my second year at school, experienced new and awesome things, learned to love living on own finally, and I've tackled some hurdles in my life, and I think I've come out the better for it. Oh, but those experiences and hurdles... those have been tough. It feels like one thing after the next. It's definitely been bitter sweet. I mean, I hate saying that I go through life's little experiences just for some lesson to be learned, because those experiences usually suck (for lack of a better word). For example, my dad dying? Yeah, if that has anything to do with me needing to learn a lesson, I'm going to be ticked. Or how my mom went from the mom I knew growing up, to a completely different mom the second she remarried. Or losing a man I loved so much, even if everything wasn't perfect... the list goes on. But those things have happened, and whether or not they've happened just so I learn a few lessons... I've grown from them. (Except for that one time when I literally flipped off a car of people who were doing a "kiss countdown" while I was on a walk with that former man/love/thing. Oh, and then I stepped on his dog accidentally.  But maybe it is proof that I've changed, because this all ended in tears, and on the side walk, in a sketchy part of town, with me wailing about how mean of a person I am. Truth.) 

I'm actually not sure where I'm going with this, because today is the day that I don't care about all the precious lessons I've learned, or the job hunt, or what classes I'm going to take in the fall. Today is the day that started off sitting on my bed before 7am, after three(ish) hours of sleep, and missing every kiss, six-second hug, French toast feast, "good morning" text, walk that lasts all night, and the look that told me how much I was loved.

A wise man once told me that "love doesn't suck, my dear. And you know it. Sometimes it brings altogether too much pain into our lives. But that's when you know you've loved truly and deeply and you've touched something wonderful." 


I think he's right.



photo credit //1//